“Hiyahahahaha, don’t touch me thereeeeee!!!!”
The room, or rather, sheet that we were called to help out was surprisingly erotic. A large number of hand shaped functions were moving around using their index and middle fingers as legs. The functions were basically hands and those hands were surrounding a glasses wearing woman in Excel tights.
“W-What are those?”
“Let me introduce them. These are our butlers, the hands.”
“Why are they butlers? No, rather, we should help out as soon as possible…”
“Eh? Nothing? Isn’t it the butler? Didn’t one these take care of the Addams family children or something?
“I’m not sure, but wasn’t the butler something like a Frankenstein’s monster? Rather, we have to save her…”
“Ah, yes. Watch closely, this will be good you see.
Saito seemed to be quite calm about it.
“Hurry up~eeeeeeeeee!!!!!”
“Shut up, Inoue. You won’t die from VLOOKUP, so just be quiet for a minute.”
Eh, that’s VLOOKUP? Really? There’s something cute and disgusting about them at the same time.
“Takahashi, which one are you?”
“Are you talking about the ideology debate? It’s VLOOKUP for me.”
“That’s convenient. Well, please help Inoue first then. Disrupt the VLOOKUPs. I’m going to get some tools.”
After that, Saito went back to the car.
It looks like it’s going to be tough from the first day. From the training sheet earlier, I thought functions were like objects, these are just complete monsters. They are moving and attacking. To be left alone like this.
“Well, I can try, I’m familiar with VLOOKUP.”
I approached Inoue while telling myself that nervously. The VLOOKUPs moved around in a threatening way and they slowly retreated as I approached. When they got to Inoue, some of them stood on their wrists while others stood with their fingers stretched out. This is quite unsettling. Do I have to touch them?
“D-Damn it…, I don’t know! V-VLOOKUP!”
Gripping the index finger of a VLOOKUP that was standing around, I said the function name. The VLOOKUP flew over to the cell which it seemed to have come from. It looks like I managed to process it safely. The VLOOKUPs around Inoue looked like they were scared. Yes. I can do this.
When I looked at Inuoe, I saw VLOOKUPs clinging to her feet and waist. Inuoe was probably crying in embarrassment. With some nervousness, I started talking as if I were speaking to a client.
“Pardon me, I’m Takahashi. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll handle the VLOOKUPs first.”
“Hya~, yes. N-Nice to meet you.”
“VLOOKUP.”
I grabbed the wrist of the VLOOKUP at her feet and processed it. All right. Next, I saw a VLOOKUP at her thigh. That is awkward. I’m stepping into the personal space of a woman I’m meeting for the first time. I’m not good at that kind of thing. Inoue has a face that goes well with her glasses. She’s crying, but she looks pretty. I wonder if she’s a little younger than me. The only thing about her body is that her chest is no good. VLOOKUP.
“Pardon me, I’ll deal with another one.”
“Y-Yes…”
Why is she blushing? Stop it, it’s making me feel awkward. I won’t be accused of sexual harassment later, will I? Who would she tell? Google? Is it possible that you can’t be fired for sexual harassment in a world like this? Will she tell Saito? Or someone else?
As I thought of that, I turned around and saw Saito right behind me, expressionless with a metal bat in his hands.
※Functions
VLOOKUP https://support.google.com/docs/answer/3093318