“What kind of company do you think Google is?”
The elderly, white man, who was called the developer, asked me interview like questions in fluent Japanese. I too had lived on the fringes of the IT industry, so I knew the answer to the question.
“Google is an ‘AI’ company, not a ‘search’ company.”
“That’s right. You know us very well.”
Way back when Google only provided search services. When the founder, Larry Page, was asked why he was building a search engine, he replied saying that he was building AI, not a search engine.
“…But, that’s only the outward answer. We’re actually a seance company.”
“…Hah?”
“It shouldn’t be a surprise to you now. In fact, with Google Spreadsheets run by the souls of dead people like you, did you think other services would be different?”
That was what the developer said.
Google search was run by the souls of dead librarians.
Gmail was run by the souls of dead postmen.
Google Maps was run by the souls of dead surveyors.
Youtube was run by the souls of dead cinematographers.
Google Home was run by the souls of dead secretaries.
All Google services were powered by the souls of the dead.
“It’s not a lie that we’re building AI. Larry and Sergey are both outstanding computer scientists and they want to change the world with AI. However, it is too late to make the changes they want if we were to build it from scratch.”
The developer took a sip of red wine as they continued.
“Although it was never made public, in addition to Larry and Sergey, there was another person involved in the founding of Google. A young native American student from Stanford University. He is the descendant of a famous shaman. He worked with Larry and Sergey to create a system that connects the souls of the dead with computers.”
“Is that…is that allowed? Google Spreadsheets is just…”
“Google Spreadsheets is just…?”
The developer raised his eyebrows as he drank a little of his wine.
“Takahashi-san, you seem to be lacking in self awareness. Do you think that Google Spreadsheets was just another component of Google Drive? Or did you think that Excel was just another application of Microsoft Office? Yes, it may look that way, but is that really all it is? In my opinion, Word documents and PowerPoint presentations are nothing more than spreadsheets. Do you know Lotus 1-2-3? Do you know VisiCalc?”
The developer’s words became heated as he drank his wine. I didn’t feel like asking another question as I waited for an answer.
“The history of spreadsheet software has always determined the dominance of the personal computer market. VisiCalc was the killer application for early Macs and supported its spread, and it was Lotus 1-2-3 that gave the IBM PC its victory. A computer without a spreadsheet software is like a useless trash can. Nowadays, there are various applications, but computers and the world still need spreadsheets. Spreadsheets are essential for businesses all over the world. Can you imagine the value it brought to research? Can you imagine a world without spreadsheets? That’s why Google created us, Google Spreadsheets, for everyone computer. To make Google and indispensable part of every job!”
“W-Who…are you…”
“I am…Multiplan, the anonymous developer of the software that became Excel. I was the first to be summoned by Google to create this world.”
Dan-!
A large mug of draft beer was slammed onto the desk where we were sitting.
“Old man, you’re always rambling on and on.”
Saito cut in. Yes, this was the usual staff room.
“Your request makes sense, but the point is, we have no choice but to work hard until AI can run all the spreadsheets, or until we no longer need humans to run the spreadsheets.”
“When that happens, what will happen to us?”
“I don’t know. But isn’t it a great thing that the dead can be of use to the living?”
“As expected of Saito-san! You always say nice things! I can’t believe you were a former yakuza!+(Oops, did I say that out loud?)”
Inoue came in with a mug of highball. She must have been really drunk, she was talking in regular expression again.
“You idiot! Who’s part of the yakuza? I told you I worked in a construction company!”
Although Saito was a rough man, he always had nice things to say. That much was true.
“Haha-. That’s right, we’re company employees after all.”
With those words, I held up my beer in my hand and clinked the mug with Saito’s, Inoue’s, and the developer’s.
<That Time I was Reincarnated into Google Spreadsheets – Complete>
Author’s Note
It’s been about a year since it was complete, but a technical book publisher, Gijutsu Hyoronsha will be releasing it as an IT light novel on June 22, 2020! The book version has been revised significantly and has a different ending and more characters, making it a slightly different novel compared to the web version. Since it is also a technical book, you also includes a technical commentary column. I would appreciate it if you could purchase it from Amazon or a bookstore.